Write a Love Letter to Yourself – A Wonderfully Challenging Exercise

“You want me to what,” you ask, “Write a love letter to myself?” It’s not my intention that you muster arrogance or self-conceit. On the contrary, it’s an invitation to explore yourself and be more present with your own feelings.

It’s important because we spend so much time focused on other people we forget to put energy into ourselves. We don’t give enough credit to ourselves for what we do and how much we’ve achieved.

When you write a love letter to yourself, you’ll feel better about yourself and more connected with who you are as an individual.

You’ll feel more grounded, more confident in your abilities, happier with the choices you make each day - even if they’re small ones like picking up a book instead of watching TV or taking a walk instead of staying home all evening.

Writing this letter is also helpful because it can help ease some anxiety or stress that may weigh on you right now - especially if there are changes coming up in your life (like moving away from home).

It will allow you some space from those worries so that they don’t feel so overwhelming anymore.

7 Benefits of Writing a Love Letter to Yourself

Love letters are the perfect way to express your feelings.

They're intimate, personal, and heartfelt. They can be sent to anyone: a spouse or significant other, a friend, or yes, even yourself!

I touched on a few benefits before, but let me expound on my thinking. Here are just a few advantages of penning a poignant love letter to yourself:

1) It helps you take care of yourself.

When we're in a relationship with someone else, it's easy for us to forget that we need to take care of ourselves and make sure we're happy. By writing yourself a love letter, you can remind yourself that you deserve love and attention, and that it's okay to give yourself some TLC once in a while.

2) It helps you feel loved.

The more we express our feelings to others, the better we feel about ourselves—and when we write ourselves love letters, the same thing happens! We get to express all the things that make us awesome and special, which boosts our self-esteem and self-regard and makes us feel loved.

This type of note is especially important if you feel no one cares about you. 

3) It helps you feel more confident and empowered.

When we write about what makes us awesome instead of focusing on what makes us feel bad about ourselves (or worse, not thinking about ourselves at all), it becomes easier to believe in ourselves—and when we believe in ourselves, life seems like an easier path forward than ever before.

4) Writing a love letter to yourself is an amazing way to express yourself without fear of judgment.

We all have those moments when we want someone else (whether it’s a romantic partner or family member) to understand us better—but sometimes that’s easier said than done. This is where writing comes in: it gives us an opportunity to communicate our deepest thoughts and emotions intimately that doesn’t require anyone else’s approval or acceptance.

5) Writing a love letter to yourself can help keep your mental health issues in check.

It’s easy to forget that our minds are just as important as our bodies—sometimes even more so. When you’re struggling with depression or anxiety, having something concrete like writing loving feelings toward yourself can be really helpful.

6) You get to spend quality time with yourself—no one else is there.

This means no distractions and no interruptions, just pure uninterrupted time with your thoughts and feelings. There’s nothing wrong with doing this every day, but once in a while is also great because it gives you a chance to find out what’s going on inside of you without having any outside influences affect your experience.

7) It gives you something tangible and real to hold on to.

A letter of self-love reminds you of who you are and what matters most. And when things get tough, it can be really helpful to have something physical that reminds you of your intentions and provides encouragement when you need it most.

Why Are You Resisting This Form of Self-Admiration?

I understand why you may feel that it's a little silly to write yourself a love letter. Is it narcissistic? A little self-indulgent, maybe? Do you feel that there are more important things to do in life than sit down and write yourself a love letter?

There's nothing vain or self-indulgent about doing so. In fact, it's the opposite—it's an incredibly caring and thoughtful act. It's a way to show admiration and respect for the person who you are, deep down. It's also a way to highlight all of your positive attributes that don't always get the attention they deserve.

I'm still sensing reluctance on your part. I'm discerning these excuses and more:

1) I don't have time for this exercise.

2) It's a waste of time.

3) I'm not good at writing, so I don't want to write a love letter to myself.

4) I'm not used to talking about myself and what I like about myself.

5) It's too narcissistic to write a love letter to myself, so I'm afraid that I'll become even more self-absorbed than I already am!

These seem to be valid reasons, but I believe they’re more like excuses, so we don’t have to practice self-compassion and self-love.

Stop the excuses and practice kindness toward yourself. Spend just a few minutes to pen down your thoughts, feelings, and emotions. It may not be easy in the beginning, but once you get started, it is actually quite simple. The key is to just start writing.

How to write a love letter to yourself?

We all want to be loved, appreciated, and valued. But how do we do this for ourselves? How can we appreciate ourselves in a world that incessantly tells us we are lacking and not good enough?

Here are some ways to write a love letter to yourself:

1) Set aside time. Make time for yourself. If you’re busy, make time in your schedule so that it is not an option but an obligation. You will then have no choice but to take care of yourself.

2) Get comfortable with silence and solitude. This step is very important because silence can be uncomfortable, especially if you’re used to having constant noise around you (i.e. TV, radio, music). The silence will allow you to not only focus on what you’re doing but also give you time to think about your life. Take deep, gentle breaths to get yourself more comfortable.

3) Take this time to reflect on what it means to love yourself and how you feel about yourself right now. If you’re not sure what loving yourself looks like, think about what you would like someone else to say if they wrote a love letter to you right now. This can serve as a mental prompt for what you can write about yourself.

4) Open up your heart and take some time to slow down and focus on what it means for someone else (in this case, yourself) to love themselves fully — both the good stuff and the not-so-good stuff, too! Remember, there are no wrong answers here; this is all about finding the words that feel true for you right now.

5) It’s time to brainstorm:

a) Write all of your positive qualities and attributes.

b) Think about times when you’ve been proud of yourself or felt good about something you’ve done.

c) List all of your achievements, whether big or small — even if they’re things like cleaning out a space in your closet or getting through an uncomfortable situation with grace and dignity.

d) Write about how much joy you bring into other people’s lives — whether it’s through helping them out or just being there for them when they need someone most.

6) Write something specific about how each of the above brainstorming points manifests in your life or your personality - what they look like when they come out in different situations or at different times of your life (for example, I have always loved myself when I am helping others).

7) Read what you’ve written and congratulate yourself for taking this time to acknowledge your splendor. It does not matter how well-written your letter is; its purpose is not to impress others, but merely serve a reminder that you matter in this world—that you’re worthy of self-respect and self-love. 

Alternative Exercise

I’ve already mentioned several reasons why expressing love toward yourself in a letter can pose a challenge. (Despite any obstacles, it’s still such a worthwhile exercise.)

But if you’re struggling with this activity, consider the following alternatives:

1) Just jot down your favorite things about yourself and say them out loud. That way, you get to hear the words you are saying and it becomes more powerful.

2) Make a collage of all of your favorite things about yourself, or put them on post-its around your room/apartment where you will see them every day. This is great because it gives you a visual reminder of how awesome you are.

3) Keep a list of all the times you’ve been kind to others, and then read it as often as possible—if you’re feeling low self-esteem. It’s a great reminder that you’re making the proverbial difference.

4) Make a list of all your accomplishments, including things like scholastic achievement, winning awards at work or being promoted there, having children/grandchildren that make you proud, etc. Review the list as often as possible, especially when you’re feeling down. 

5) Look at photos of yourself from when you were younger. Try looking at the beautiful younger you with compassionate eyes, acknowledging that you (and others) may not have been able to offer ample emotional support at that time. Now you can.  

6) When something untoward happens, instead of beating yourself up over it (which only makes the experience worse), try telling yourself that it’s okay — everyone makes mistakes sometimes, including you! It may take some time until this becomes more automatic for you. 

7) Listening to certain songs can help improve your mood and lift your spirits when you’re feeling low. When you listen to music that evokes positive emotions, it can help elevate your mood and make you feel better about yourself and your life. This could include songs that remind you of a past accomplishment or event and make it easier for you to smile when thinking back on it.

Sample Love Letter to Yourself

Your personal love letter can be brief or long; it can be a beautiful and poetic masterpiece or error-prone prose.

It does not matter about the "quality," as its importance only centers on self-compassion and self-worth in an all out effort to make you feel your best.

Here is a sample: 

Final Words - Loving Yourself

Taking the time to care for yourself isn't a luxury—it's an investment. Love yourself, and when you do, you'll be more effective and happier in every aspect of your life.

It's so easy to get caught up in the stresses of work, school, family, and any other obligations that can seem so urgent in the moment that we forget to take time for ourselves.

We assume that the activities we've been putting off—the ones that make us happy—are "loose ends" that will all get tied up with a bow once we've handled everything else.

That logic is flawed; it places our time in everyone else's hands while ignoring how important it is to honor our own needs.

Because you are worth it—your health is just as important as anything else on your plate, and taking time for self-care should be at the top of your list. When you're feeling good about yourself, you're able to handle other responsibilities more effectively and efficiently because you know how much value you bring to others.

If you aren't taking care of yourself now, you're not living up to your potential. That's why it's important not just to make self-care a priority, but also to acknowledge its value.

Now it’s time to write a love letter to yourself — a loving exercise that will bring you joy (I promise)!